Looks like my gf is pregnant....

[fletcher21]

Well color me retarded, but my gf took a pregnancy test today, and it came back positive. To my knowledge, a test will never error positive. I'm not sure what to think now.... I live with her, in a nice house and we both have nice jobs, and a supportive family cast to help us. I'm not sure what to expect, but I do know it's time to man up and face it head on. I'm sure I'll get some s*** from you oldschool SR guys, but that's all good. I'm an enigma, much like siam007. I come on here to release some stress, and just be fun loving. Just wondering what you dads on here would advise me to do, to get as prepared for it as I can. My relationship with my gf is hit or miss. 90% of the time, it's great. But that 10% of the time, it makes life seem pretty bleak. I know things happen for a reason, and at least this happened at a time that me and her are financially secure. The coming months will be interesting, to be sure.

[Sport73]

Any relationship is work, so if you describe yours as good 90% of the time, that's pretty good. The fact is that commitment, be it with a girlfriend, wife, or simply the mother of your child, is a much different thing than the 'warm and fuzzies' of love. Yes, it's time to 'man up', but not just for the kid's sake...

Pregancy and birth are TOUGH, and you will have a whole new respect for ALL women after experiencing it. Your girl will get emotional, change physically in ways she's not prepared for, and be both scared and delighted by the process. Once the big day comes, it doesn't get easier. The first month or two are about sleepless nights (and I mean LITTLE sleep) and attending to the baby's every need. You will be nothing to your woman at this point, every ounce of energy her body can muster will go towards supporting the baby. You can help by being helpful (feedings, changing etc.) but MOSTLY by being reaffirming, supportive and understanding.

A child is a ton of responsibility and will change your whole outlook on life. You no longer exist just for your own sake, you're RESPONSIBLE for another life - completely. You'll lose time for gaming, TV, sports, and sex - and your girl will be so tired that she'll lose interest in you for a while...

If all that sounds negative, scary, and like a whole lot of sh*t...GOOD. You need to know that it's going to kick your ass.

But here's the rub...It's all worth it. You should be jumping up and down because you're about to experience a level of love and commitment you never knew was possible. You're about to have a little you who admires you, trusts you, and loves you unconditionally. You're going to laugh and cry at amazing breakthroughs like talking, walking, and then on into the development of a real person, with his/her own personality, sense of humor and more. All of the work pales in comparison to the reward. When a son or daughter greets you at the door after a day's work with a big hug, everything else disappears.

Congratulations. Work at it. Be good to your girlfriend. The rewards are worth it.

[jondiehl]

+1

Great post.

My wife and I were married 3yrs before we started having kids (now we're at 3, and done). Life is completely different than before when we were just dating or newlyweds. I have no time for myself anymore, watch about 80% less TV and game about 90% less. Nothing else matters as much anymore except for your kids. There's nothing better than having a terrible day at work and coming home to wife and kids and leaving everything else behind.

[pk500]

Not much I can add to Sport and Jon's fine posts except this: There's a lot more to being a good father and partner than financial security.

Your needs no longer are No. 1. Your baby's needs and desires are No. 1. Nearly all of your time is that child's time.

Be prepared to be a lot more disciplined with your time, as you can't just drop everything and do whatever the f*ck you want when you want like you do now.

Your physical relationship with your girl will change for the first year after the birth, too. Her primary concern will be that baby, not your penis. So you better get used to that and emphasize quality in your sex life, cause you're not going to get the quantity you get now, whenever you want it.

You can't buy good parenting skills. You need to work at it. It's the toughest job you'll ever love.

You can shower your kids with all the money and toys in the world, and if you're a bad parent who continues to put yourself and your needs ahead of your child, you're a failure. You can't take riches and toys in the casket with you when you go; you CAN take knowledge in your soul that you gave everything to making that child's world safe, loving and secure.

Good luck.

P.S.: I highly recommend that your girl nurses the baby, if possible. Breast milk is GREAT for the child's development, you don't need to get up in the middle of the night to wash bottles and mix formula, it's free, and nursing keeps your girl's cans BIG for quite a long time.

Take care,
PK

[MUTTS]

P.S.: I highly recommend that your girl nurses the baby, if possible. Breast milk is GREAT for the child's development, you don't need to get up in the middle of the night to wash bottles and mix formula, it's free, and nursing keeps your girl's cans BIG for quite a long time.

Take care,
PK

Gee PK...when I head off to the American Academy of Pediatrics yearly conference I'll see about getting your statement as part of our position paper on breast feeding.

I will add that in pediatric practice Ive seen all different types of couples with kids (single/married/divorced/etc). I really dont care if you and your girl stay together or not, but what really matters is that you both must be totally invested (and I dont mean financially) in that child, willing to sacrifice for that child and put that child first even if there are differences between you two. Most importantly, enjoy it! Its a great ride and there's no better feeling in the world than being a dad !
Tony

[Templehorn]

I'm an enigma, much like siam007.

Fast Forward to 2:57 and stop at 3:10, and you'll find the answer!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4IejGovxdy8

[WillHunting]

Glad you are willing to man up, if you can't handle it, don't go squirting is what I say.

Congrats on being a dad, it is very exciting. I don't think it is such a big deal these days to have a baby before marriage. As long as you and your gf are cool and willing to take care of the baby, it is all good.

My wife and I are married for 5 years and only earlier this year did we try to have a kid. Now our baby girl is coming this January and there is no feeling in the world like expecting parents. We are so excited, and she brings us closer together.

So yah, a baby can be a good thing. Congrats again.

[ScoopBrady]

Fletcher, if you are even a quarter like what you portray to be on the forums than you are nowhere near ready to become a father. Manning up doesn't require just standing by your girlfriend and doing the right thing either. It requires a maturity in thinking that you haven't come close to on these boards. The good news is you have 9 months to really do some soul searching and maturing as you prepare for the arrival of your child. As was mentioned life AB (after baby) is all about the baby. Your first thought should be for the happiness and needs of the baby, not yours.

If you are thinking, "Oh f***, now I won't be able to go out with the guys as much." then you have a lot of work to do. If you are thinking "Holy s***! How awesome is this, I'm going to be a dad." then you are a lot closer to where you need to be.

I'm not typing this to be a dick, I'm just trying to open your eyes a bit. I'm basing this response to a myriad of things I've read from you over the past 5 years. The thoughts you've expressed on topics about women and what a real man is in the past are not the thoughts of a good father.

There's no doubt that this experience will change your life forever and I hope this experience changes your life for the better. Like others have said, there's no greater reward in life than your children but that does require a thought process which puts your needs after the babies needs. Best of luck fletch.

[maddoc1979]

Just wanted to add to PK's breast feeding remarks that the other nice thing about it is that breastmilk baby poop doesn't smell bad. So until you start solids (5-6 mos of age or so), you've got nice, rosy smelling diapers.

Doc