OT : Office Romances ?

[HouOilers]

Hey everyone.

Been a real busy time since I posted here. Been browsing mostly.

I wanted to run this situation by all of you and get your opinion.

I just got married last year but don't wear a ring at work since I have to work with my hands and the ring gets in the way.

So for the few months or so, I've been working with this group where I find out this coworker has the hots for me. It started out where I would work with her on occasion and just talk over the phone. I am a nice person when I deal with people at work and I think she may have taken things the wrong way. She was really digging me since she thought I wasn't married. We never talk about personal stuff at work.

Anyway, one thing led to another and she asked me out. Then I told her I was married and she went rambo. Now whenever I deal with her, she has this angry look on her face like she wants to beat me down.

What am I to do? I feel sorry for her that she has no one in her life but at the same time, I don't want to have people I work with think I was having an affair with her and thats why she's gone off the deep end.

What are your stories of office romances or near romances and how did you deal with them.

[WillHunting]

I would advise you to do the following:

Assuming that you work for a decent size company with a Human Resource department, go to the HR director and tell him/her your story. Exactly as it happens. You want to make sure you approach this the right way, you do not want her to make up story about possible sexual harassment, etc. By going to HR, you are proactively trying to prevent this from getting out of hand.

Whatever you do, do not try to diffuse this situation by yourself. Most likely, you will make it worse because she is crazy to begin with. You cannot fight irrationality with rational words.

Plus, HR will help you and protect you by speaking to her directly. Do this tomorrow, do not delay.

[Badgun]

I would hit it and keep her at a distance. Psycho chicks are fantastic!!

[fanatic]

I would hit it and keep her at a distance. Psycho chicks are fantastic!!

that is until they end up calling your house at 2 am....

[Brando70]

I would hit it and keep her at a distance. Psycho chicks are fantastic!!

that is until they end up calling your house at 2 am....

Don't forget to hide the rabbits!

Seriously, the HR route is a good idea. You don't have to make a formal complaint, but that way you've entered it into the record.

The other thing is, she may not be psycho, just really embarassed. You have an uneven relationship right now and that often makes people uncomfortable and defensive.

[Badgun]

I would hit it and keep her at a distance. Psycho chicks are fantastic!!

that is until they end up calling your house at 2 am....

Yeah, he's probably better off getting her ass reassigned or fired, whichever comes first. Psycho chicks are great lays, but lonely psycho chicks will bring your house crashing down.

[Kazuya]

Wow, you really laid an egg didn't you? It's inexcusable that as soon as you even had an inkling that she liked you, that you didn't mention your wife somehow. Next time you were in the group you should have held your phone, looked at it like it was vibrating and say, "Excuse me, my wife's calling I have to take this." Either that, or take your Odyssey to work...

Going to HR would be a proactive move, but I would probably just try to let it blow over... shouldn't be anything to worry about, unless she has super-powers...

[F308GTB]

Threesome?

I know it's probably awkward, but see if things blow over. If not, just have a frank discussion with her. Tell her you respect her as a friend and colleague and that you're sorry if you led her on.

[DivotMaker]

I would advise you to do the following:

Assuming that you work for a decent size company with a Human Resource department, go to the HR director and tell him/her your story. Exactly as it happens. You want to make sure you approach this the right way, you do not want her to make up story about possible sexual harassment, etc. By going to HR, you are proactively trying to prevent this from getting out of hand.

Whatever you do, do not try to diffuse this situation by yourself. Most likely, you will make it worse because she is crazy to begin with. You cannot fight irrationality with rational words.

Plus, HR will help you and protect you by speaking to her directly. Do this tomorrow, do not delay.

What ^he^ said. Just completed sexual harrassment training for an EEOC module for my company and it is best to simply inform HR and let THEM handle it.

[JackB1]

going striaght to HR might make things worse between you two. she will probably get over it in some time. explain you are sorry you led her on and want to still be friends (if you do). if things dont get better after a couple of weeks, then I would go to HR, but I would try and work it out directly with her first if possible. you could also try getting some of her female friends to talk some sense into her. it sounds like she is mad because you were "friendly" back to her and never made her aware that you were married.

[pigpen81]

To work for a few months around this girl without even mentioning your wife in a passing conversation is garbage IMO.

It sounds like you secretly liked the attention and did lead her on.

I always throw my wife into a conversation when I meet a woman.....something like, "My wife and I like to walk to the park after work."

Good luck but I think you owe both the woman and your wife an aplogy.

[Leebo33]

On a related note, I'm amazed at how many men do not have pictures of their wife and/or kids on their desks at work. Those are usually the same guys that are frequently seen flirting or spending an unusual amount of time with attractive female coworkers. Coincidence?

Luckily I have an office job and can keep my ring on constantly. I have only taken it off during the past 6 years a few times to paint/stain/seal. Thank God, as I'd have to beat away the hot chicks with a stick without it

[WillHunting]

going striaght to HR might make things worse between you two. she will probably get over it in some time. explain you are sorry you led her on and want to still be friends (if you do). if things dont get better after a couple of weeks, then I would go to HR, but I would try and work it out directly with her first if possible. you could also try getting some of her female friends to talk some sense into her. it sounds like she is mad because you were "friendly" back to her and never made her aware that you were married.

This is the wrong approach, especially if he feels that he cannot get his work done with/around her (or become uncomfortable for either party). The reason why he should bring it to HR is that it is affecting his productivity (and probably hers as well), so this becomes more than a personal issue. The situation has evolved into a business/company issue so HR is supposed to handle these kinds of situations.

I know it is tempting to try to handle it himself but he can get fired if he doesn't let HR know there is an issue with another co-worker. It is not worth the risk.

[WillHunting]

On a related note, I'm amazed at how many men do not have pictures of their wife and/or kids on their desks at work. Those are usually the same guys that are frequently seen flirting or spending an unusual amount of time with attractive female coworkers. Coincidence?

Luckily I have an office job and can keep my ring on constantly. I have only taken it off during the past 6 years a few times to paint/stain/seal. Thank God, as I'd have to beat away the hot chicks with a stick without it

I don't have any pictures on my desk. I don't wear a ring (and the ironic thing is that my wife is in the jewelry business). But I don't flirt and I always sneak in my wife in my conversations because I don't want others to get the wrong impression. My desk is a complete mess, I don't need more clutter hehe.

[Brando70]

On a related note, I'm amazed at how many men do not have pictures of their wife and/or kids on their desks at work. Those are usually the same guys that are frequently seen flirting or spending an unusual amount of time with attractive female coworkers. Coincidence?

Luckily I have an office job and can keep my ring on constantly. I have only taken it off during the past 6 years a few times to paint/stain/seal. Thank God, as I'd have to beat away the hot chicks with a stick without it

See, I only attract women with it on

I actually don't have a picture of my wife at my desk (which I never really noticed before) but I'm always up front about my status. If things still get too close, I just start singing "Family Man" by Hall and Oates

[DivotMaker]

going striaght to HR might make things worse between you two. she will probably get over it in some time. explain you are sorry you led her on and want to still be friends (if you do). if things dont get better after a couple of weeks, then I would go to HR, but I would try and work it out directly with her first if possible. you could also try getting some of her female friends to talk some sense into her. it sounds like she is mad because you were "friendly" back to her and never made her aware that you were married.

This is exactly what corporations are being told NOT to do in the current sexual harrassment legal environment. The training I just took (taking the scenario as laid out in the original post) coached me to take the issue STRAIGHT to HR ASAP. This is to protect both employees as well as employer in case someone decides to get revenge by filing a SH claim. Think I will follow the advice that my company and training have provided....

[spooky157]

Your co-worker isn't named Isiah Thomas by any chance, right?

I would go to HR but not actually file a formal complaint. Just make them aware of the current situation and if it ever blows up, you've got something to back you up.

[JackB1]

Problem with going straight to HR is that there is always 2 sides to this story. This girl might claim that he was flirting with her and leading her on. This might work to his detriment instead. I always appreciate it when people come to me first to try and work things out between us before running to HR.

going striaght to HR might make things worse between you two. she will probably get over it in some time. explain you are sorry you led her on and want to still be friends (if you do). if things dont get better after a couple of weeks, then I would go to HR, but I would try and work it out directly with her first if possible. you could also try getting some of her female friends to talk some sense into her. it sounds like she is mad because you were "friendly" back to her and never made her aware that you were married.

This is the wrong approach, especially if he feels that he cannot get his work done with/around her (or become uncomfortable for either party). The reason why he should bring it to HR is that it is affecting his productivity (and probably hers as well), so this becomes more than a personal issue. The situation has evolved into a business/company issue so HR is supposed to handle these kinds of situations.

I know it is tempting to try to handle it himself but he can get fired if he doesn't let HR know there is an issue with another co-worker. It is not worth the risk.

[DivotMaker]

Problem with going straight to HR is that there is always 2 sides to this story. This girl might claim that he was flirting with her and leading her on. This might work to his detriment instead. I always appreciate it when people come to me first to try and work things out between us before running to HR.

Which is EXACTLY why Managers in Corporations are being coached to bring the issue to HR IMMEDIATELY instead of waiting. HR is aware that there are two sides to every story, however, if she goes and reports this before he does, then the company/corporation is more vulnerable to a claim than if he reports this immediately. HR can then begin investigating the issue and at least not be blindsided.

[dbdynsty25]

Just file a sexual harassment suit against her and have her removed...that's the easiest thing to do at this point. Sometimes you just need to teach the b*tches a lesson.

[Sudz]

u talk 2 yr wife?

[dbdynsty25]

u understand sarcasm?

[Sudz]

u understand sarcasm?

u talking to me?

i wasn't talking to you....i was asking HIM!!!

it isn't ALWAYS about you....

[dbdynsty25]

When you speak it usually is...your soapy hard-on for anything I say has me defensive. My bad.

[WillHunting]

When you speak it usually is...your soapy hard-on for anything I say has me defensive. My bad.

I am bringing this to DS' HR attention!