OT: Busted by the wife

LAking · Post by **LAking** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:09 pm

James_E wrote:
LAking wrote: When i see a hot women with her breasts practically falling out of her shirt all types of s*** goes through my head that i have very little control over.
Agreed, but I think there is a big difference (and so do women) in seeing a hot chick in real life (at the beach, at work whatever) versus actively going to seek out porn.

It's filling the same desire. The thought is there, so what's the difference. Shouldn't she be mad at the mear thought of him fantasizing about other women? Isn't that really the issue? That's he's "thinking" about the act of cheating, but never actually doing it, or even considering it? It's like when someone uses an alternative to a curse word, like "fudge" instead of "f***". Funny, i can't even say the word on here. The point is that you mean the same thing but we try to make it seem nicer than it acutally is by changed the word. Words, or combinations of letters, don't really matter, the meaning is what makes the difference. The thing is that he has never even thought about actually cheating on his wife, and that should be enough for her. Expectations beyond that are unreasonable and how can you expect a marriage to last under unreasonable expectations?

James_E · Post by **James_E** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:12 pm

I guess my definition of unreasonable is different in this case. I don't think Matt's wife is unreasonable to not want him to look at porn.

Also, emotions are involved here... sometimes "reason" goes out the window in this case.

pk500 · Post by **pk500** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:12 pm

tjung0831 wrote:I think there is a huge difference if you are rubbin your chubby to playboy versus rubbin your chubby while looking at violent porn such as rape or bondage or whatever else excites you. I firmly believe porn is something that we are all supposed to outgrow otherwise don't you think it's going to be pretty creepy when you're 65 years old and still looking at porn. I know that's not the grandpa that I strive to be.

Tim:

I think you're teetering on the brink of hypocrisy here. You say "nothing good ever came of porn," yet you seem to say it's OK to read Playboy.

Porn is porn, man.

That said, I'm certainly not advocating bondage, rape, child, scat, pissing or other strange porn like that. I'm just talking about "regulation" smut, such as hetero, lezbo, small group, hot chicks, etc. I have zero interest in that other stuff.

I also think "outgrowing" porn is a bit naive, too. Everyone has biological urges, I believe. It's just a matter of how you manage them. Some guys cheat; others beat off to something created in their mind; others look at regulation porn, others f*ck their girlfriends or wives; others swing or others simply use abstinence.

There is no right or wrong way. It's simply a matter of your personal morals, standards and tastes as long as no laws are being broken, i.e., child porn.

Take care,
PK

Leebo33 · Post by **Leebo33** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:18 pm

pk500 wrote:I'm certainly not advocating bondage, rape, child, scat, pissing or other strange porn like that. I'm just talking about "regulation" smut, such as hetero, lezbo, small group, hot chicks, etc. I have zero interest in that other stuff.

Hell, I couldn't even watch the golden shower scene in Team America and that was freakin' puppets. I turned off the movie immediately after that scene. I even get a little queasy when hetero porn involves the "no-no" area.

pk500 · Post by **pk500** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:22 pm

Leebo33 wrote:
pk500 wrote:I'm certainly not advocating bondage, rape, child, scat, pissing or other strange porn like that. I'm just talking about "regulation" smut, such as hetero, lezbo, small group, hot chicks, etc. I have zero interest in that other stuff.
Hell, I couldn't even watch the golden shower scene in Team America and that was freakin' puppets. I turned off the movie immediately after that scene. I even get a little queasy when hetero porn involves the "no-no" area.

Yep, as the rare North American resident who has suffered from dysentery, that's an exit-only area for me.

Damn, now this thread is veering sharply toward the Grog Zone.

Take care,
PK

tjung0831 · Post by **tjung0831** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:27 pm

pk500 wrote:
tjung0831 wrote:I think there is a huge difference if you are rubbin your chubby to playboy versus rubbin your chubby while looking at violent porn such as rape or bondage or whatever else excites you. I firmly believe porn is something that we are all supposed to outgrow otherwise don't you think it's going to be pretty creepy when you're 65 years old and still looking at porn. I know that's not the grandpa that I strive to be.
Tim:

I think you're teetering on the brink of hypocrisy here. You say "nothing good ever came of porn," yet you seem to say it's OK to read Playboy.

Porn is porn, man.

That said, I'm certainly not advocating bondage, rape, child, scat, pissing or other strange porn like that. I'm just talking about "regulation" smut, such as hetero, lezbo, small group, hot chicks, etc. I have zero interest in that other stuff.

I also think "outgrowing" porn is a bit naive, too. Everyone has biological urges, I believe. It's just a matter of how you manage them. Some guys cheat; others beat off to something created in their mind; others look at regulation porn, others f*ck their girlfriends or wives; others swing or others simply use abstinence.

There is no right or wrong way. It's simply a matter of your personal morals, standards and tastes as long as no laws are being broken, i.e., child porn.

Take care,
PK

I agree porn is porn. I would say though that there is a slight difference to looking at playboy versus all the other s*** out there. I just think when you reach that point of needing the more hardcore stuff is when you might have some issues. I also take pride in knowing I am not going to be some peverted grandpa but to each their own!!!

thejake · Post by **thejake** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:32 pm

pk500 wrote:
Badgun wrote:pk, I totally agree with you on drinking and gambling. Those are two things that I used to do a lot of, but gave them both up when we had kids. She didn't have to ask me...I knew.

But looking at lustylesbians.com is not going to hurt anyone or cost anyone money.
Agreed. Although onlymovies.com and darlina.com are my stops of choice.

Take care,
PK

I like how yall are using this thread to link to some of yall favorite sites. Keep them coming!

Sport73 · Post by **Sport73** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:33 pm

I've got nothing to add that Spooky hasn't said already. I agree whole-heartedly with his point that COMMUNICATION is the key to anything in a relationship, so you should be able to communicate your interest/need for porn to your wife, have her communicate her fears/concerns/objections, and reach a middle ground.

Ultimately, I think some people are confusing the difference between a woman who is 'morally' opposed to porn, and one who is nervous/fearful that it will somehow lead her husband astray. If your wife is the former, and you enjoy porn, you've got a pretty serious issue because your value-sets are pretty far apart (and will likely extend to other areas of your life). If she's the latter, then there are many solutions to make her comfortable:

1. Quit porn.
2. Engage her to join you in it.
3. Openly discuss it and get her to understand the male perspective, even if she can't fully understand it.
4. Allay her fears by demonstrating that it WILL NOT lead you to stray.
5. Establish a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Ultimately, I think most relationships fall somewhere between 3 & 5, in that you should have healthy discussions about what you're "into", but at the same time most people have a level (EVEN THE WOMEN) of kink, or sexual fetish, in their heads that the never quite open up to with anyone, because when they do they become swingers/porn stars etc.

"I'm not a orgy guy! I'll have to grow a mustache..." - Seinfeld

SPOOKY should host a talk show on sex & relationships.

Brando70 · Post by **Brando70** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:47 pm

tjung0831 wrote:I also take pride in knowing I am not going to be some peverted grandpa but to each their own!!!

I am looking forward to being the perverted grandpa. Nice grandpas are boring.

James_E · Post by **James_E** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 4:51 pm

Since we're being so frank I gotta ask a question here:

When you use porn, I know it's the chics in the movie that get ya goin, but are you thinking about doing it to that girl? Or are you thinking about your wife/girlfriend? Everytime I get worked up from movies or pics, it gets me thinking about my wife, not the chics in the movie. The movie might be the "enabler" to get things goin... then it's all about the wife.

dbdynsty25 · Post by **dbdynsty25** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:05 pm

Spooky wrote:I look at women on the street, at my work, ect...in a sexual way sometimes too. My girlfriend does the same thing towards guys I am sure. She looks at porn and sees nice big juicy cocks. She likes that. She also sees them attached to guys who are a lot more muscular than I am. She looks at construction workers and thinks they are sexy.

Oh my god...did I just read that on a sports gaming website? Imagine what all of the wives/girlfriends would do if they knew this is what we talked about all day long...a bunch of guys talking about jerking off.

tjung0831 · Post by **tjung0831** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:10 pm

dbdynsty25 wrote:
Spooky wrote:I look at women on the street, at my work, ect...in a sexual way sometimes too. My girlfriend does the same thing towards guys I am sure. She looks at porn and sees nice big juicy cocks. She likes that. She also sees them attached to guys who are a lot more muscular than I am. She looks at construction workers and thinks they are sexy.
Oh my god...did I just read that on a sports gaming website? Imagine what all of the wives/girlfriends would do if they knew this is what we talked about all day long...a bunch of guys talking about jerking off.

Spooky actually said "nice big juicy cocks" LOL! That is actually pretty Spooky!

dbdynsty25 · Post by **dbdynsty25** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:12 pm

James_E wrote:Everytime I get worked up from movies or pics, it gets me thinking about my wife, not the chics in the movie. The movie might be the "enabler" to get things goin... then it's all about the wife.

Agreed...that's my MO.

Badgun · Post by **Badgun** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:13 pm

James_E wrote:Since we're being so frank I gotta ask a question here:

When you use porn, I know it's the chics in the movie that get ya goin, but are you thinking about doing it to that girl? Or are you thinking about your wife/girlfriend? Everytime I get worked up from movies or pics, it gets me thinking about my wife, not the chics in the movie. The movie might be the "enabler" to get things goin... then it's all about the wife.

Yeah, I think that's how it is with me, too. As much as I'd like to bang Jenna Jameson, I am also a realist so my thoughts ALWAYS go back to my wife.

Leebo33 · Post by **Leebo33** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:19 pm

James_E wrote:are you thinking about your wife/girlfriend?

I usually switch between them.

Just kidding, honey...

I love my beautiful wife with all my heart, but I think about the women in the porn. Is that so wrong?

TheTruth · Post by **TheTruth** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:19 pm

I think this thread needs some of this...

Post by **ScoopBrady** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:21 pm

TheTruth wrote:I think this thread needs some of this...

In more than one way.

Can't say that I have any more thought than "Ooh, titties!" myself. But that's just me.

Brando70 · Post by **Brando70** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:34 pm

Badgun wrote:
James_E wrote:Since we're being so frank I gotta ask a question here:

When you use porn, I know it's the chics in the movie that get ya goin, but are you thinking about doing it to that girl? Or are you thinking about your wife/girlfriend? Everytime I get worked up from movies or pics, it gets me thinking about my wife, not the chics in the movie. The movie might be the "enabler" to get things goin... then it's all about the wife.
Yeah, I think that's how it is with me, too. As much as I'd like to bang Jenna Jameson, I am also a realist so my thoughts ALWAYS go back to my wife.

Yeah, but since I look like Peter North....

Spooky · Post by **Spooky** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:35 pm

James_E wrote:Since we're being so frank I gotta ask a question here:

When you use porn, I know it's the chics in the movie that get ya goin, but are you thinking about doing it to that girl? Or are you thinking about your wife/girlfriend? Everytime I get worked up from movies or pics, it gets me thinking about my wife, not the chics in the movie. The movie might be the "enabler" to get things goin... then it's all about the wife.

GREAT question and is actually a point that I have conveyed to my girlfriend to make sure she understands and is comfortable with me looking at porn.

When I watch it, I am TOTALLY into it becasue I am thinking about how the things I am seeing relate to my personal sex life, which obviuosly includes my girlfriend. I get much more turned on thinking about her in these 'situations' than I would in thinking about these situations with the actual people in the porn.

Spooky · Post by **Spooky** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:38 pm

tjung0831 wrote:
dbdynsty25 wrote:
Spooky wrote:I look at women on the street, at my work, ect...in a sexual way sometimes too. My girlfriend does the same thing towards guys I am sure. She looks at porn and sees nice big juicy cocks. She likes that. She also sees them attached to guys who are a lot more muscular than I am. She looks at construction workers and thinks they are sexy.
Oh my god...did I just read that on a sports gaming website? Imagine what all of the wives/girlfriends would do if they knew this is what we talked about all day long...a bunch of guys talking about jerking off.
Spooky actually said "nice big juicy cocks" LOL! That is actually pretty Spooky!

LOL! Yeah, I know...I am being very candid here. I mean, I am just calling it like I see it. I am just wording it from her point of view. Sorry if I am freaking anyone out.

Post by **ScoopBrady** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:44 pm

Spooky wrote:
tjung0831 wrote:
dbdynsty25 wrote: Oh my god...did I just read that on a sports gaming website? Imagine what all of the wives/girlfriends would do if they knew this is what we talked about all day long...a bunch of guys talking about jerking off.
Spooky actually said "nice big juicy cocks" LOL! That is actually pretty Spooky!
LOL! Yeah, I know...I am being very candid here. I mean, I am just calling it like I see it. I am just wording it from her point of view. Sorry if I am freaking anyone out.

Well to your credit you did refrain from placing "vein laden" between the words big and juicy. Bully for you!

matthewk · Post by **matthewk** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:30 pm

Wow, that was a lot to read through after being gone most of the day.

I want to thank everyone for a couple of things. First, for keeping things civil throughout this entire discussion. Second, it's comforting (NOT in that way, you pervs) to know that this is a common issue that comes up between couples. I appeciate all of the advice on how best to deal with this.

I have tried explaining that this is normal guy behavior, but I think she's having trouble either accepting or believing it. Oh, and it's been strictly guy-girl (and maybe an extra one in there at times) stuff, nothing freaky. Like Leebo, I don't care for the whole in through the out door stuff either. Even a lot of closeups of the "danger zone" makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'm an up-top man myself

matthewk · Post by **matthewk** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:31 pm

One more thing: Did you see that view count!?! over 1700 in less than 12 hours

sfz_T-car · Post by **sfz_T-car** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:35 pm

One more bit of advice. Don't show Mrs. K this thread.

Spooky · Post by **Spooky** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:50 pm

sfz_T-car wrote:One more bit of advice. Don't show Mrs. K this thread.

Actually...maybe he should.