OT: Busted by the wife

[Dimmu]

But, deep down, she is a dirty little b*tch and loves to look, watch, experience and talk about the same stuff I do;

LOL...nice Spooky.

LOL...yeah...I call 'em like I see 'em. If you only knew some of the crap she has done or wants to do...WOW! There is really no other way to describe her.

I'm with ya Spooky. My wife is much like your girlfriend. We have done some interesting things and plan on doing more. I couldn't ask for anything more. I could go on but I'll leave it at that:)

[Brando70]

Damn it, Brando, I'm sorry. I f*cked up your post on accident. I meant to hit Quote and hit Edit.

F*cking moderator privileges confuse me sometimes! Part of your post is quoted below in my response.

I'm sorry, man. Totally unintentional.

Take care,
PK

[JackB1]

I headed to the basement like an Oklahoma land rush in the 1800s.

too funny

[pk500]

I remember David Letterman looking at that Penthouse issue on the air. He was flipping through it and just talking with Paul Shaeffer and you could see him getting really into it. Both hilarious and kind of creepy at the same time.

Hey, Vanessa Williams was hot then, is hot now and probably always will be hot. She is one of the elite beauties of the world, in my opinion, and the fact she has universal voltage only makes her more sexy.

Take care,
PK

[Spooky]

Damn it, Brando, I'm sorry. I f*cked up your post on accident. I meant to hit Quote and hit Edit.

F*cking moderator privileges confuse me sometimes! Part of your post is quoted below in my response.

I'm sorry, man. Totally unintentional.

Take care,
PK

Censoship?

[Brando70]

Damn it, Brando, I'm sorry. I f*cked up your post on accident. I meant to hit Quote and hit Edit.

F*cking moderator privileges confuse me sometimes! Part of your post is quoted below in my response.

I'm sorry, man. Totally unintentional.

Take care,
PK

Censoship?

Wow, that was really disorienting.

No problems, PK. And I agree, Vanessa Williams is not only beautiful, but we have evidence she likes to do the things Spooky thinks of!

[James_E]

Oh s***... what if Grog posts in this thread... would we all be scarred for life?

[LAking]

Spooky has got it right. It's not that women are naturally opposed to sexual desire, it's just that the social pressures that have been burned into their minds are very strong. A think a lot of women can open up and exrpess their sexual desires if they are with a man they are very comfortable with, however there are some out their who are so insecure about that kind of stuff that they may never be able to open up.

On some level we are also just plain different. Testosterone really does mess with our minds. Men do like more visual stimulation than women. It's really amazing what testosterone is doing to our behavior on a regular basis. I think if women were able to understand this they might ease off a bit more when it came to things like porn. We have an urge that sometimes we just have to satisfy, and as long as we are respecting any vows or promises that we have made then it should be OK.

I highly recomend that you guys (and especially your wives/girlfriends) listen to the "Testosterone" episode of the radio show "This American Life". It's one of the most fascinating hours of entertainment you will ever listen to and should help to explain how the mind of a man is different from the mind of a women.
http://www.thislife.org/pages/descriptions/02/220.html

Just click on the Real audio icon to start listening. WARNING: for those of you who may have issues with listening to people talk about gender reasignment procedures, you may not like the second story. It's about a man who used to be a women and what it was like getting testosterone injections for the first time. However it's actually very informative and quite funny as well.

[pk500]

Threadjack: Nice new ax, James!

Take care,
PK

[ScoopBrady]

Nice, a threadjack in a thread about jacking.

As for the Vanessa Williams issue, well let's just say that I had to retire a towel about 2 months after that issue hit.

[Badgun]

I don't really know what else to add, but it's troubling that things like this aren't discussed and taken care of in advance. I would never marry a woman that would try and control what is pretty much a common manly rite of passage.

A friend of mine who was the ultimate bachelor started dating this really hot blonde chick a few years back. He was the kind of guy that kept Playboy on his coffee table as required reading. I mean this dude has banged more chicks than Wilt Chamberlain. Soon he was engaged and once the wedding got closer, she told him that he had to cancel his subscription to Playboy and Penthouse. When he told me, I said "Dude, get out now. If you go along with this, you are a p***y" He obviously was torn, he loved the girl, but he also felt that he shouldn't have to change this aspect of his life for her. I begged him not to marry her, but he did anyway. Well, 2 years and about $40,000 later he wished he had listened to me. Not only was any kind of porn off limits, but most kinds of sex were as well.

This may not always hold true, but a woman that's opposed to or threatened by porn, most likely is opposed to sex for the most part. I've rarely seen it any different. I'm not saying this is the case with Matthew, but that's very dangerous territory if he doesn't find some way to stand his ground and keep his porn viewing. If HE WANTS to look at porn, then he should be able to.

I'm one of, if not the oldest guy here, and I've had a very good marriage for 18 years. Marriage is definitely a lot of give and take, but some things you cannot bargain away. In my case, I told my wife before we ever got married the things in my life that were not going to change. I was going to watch sports on tv, I was going to play golf on weekends, I was going to play video games, and I was going to play poker with my friends on Monday night. I told her as long as she understood that, we would get along fine. For 18 years she has never uttered a word about any of the things I mentioned and we have had a very, very happy marriage. As for porn, I have tapes and dvds in the house and still get Playboy in the mail. All she asks is that I keep all that stuff where the kids can't find it, which I do.

I agree with what Spooky said, but in this case, Matthew's girl may not be open to those things. If she's not, then Matthew needs to let her know in no uncertain terms, that his porn viewing is his business and not hurting anyone.

[ScoopBrady]

While I agree with most of what you say Badgun, the fact of the matter is he's married now with children. This isn't a fiance we're talking about, it's his wife. To take a stand on porn and jeopardize your family is ridiculous. He should definitely talk it through with her and see if he can work things out but you make it sound like he should just give her an ultimatum. No Porn? See ya! I just don't see that being sound advice at this point of his life.

[sfz_T-car]

I've been married slightly longer than Badgun but I generally agree with him (which pretty much cinches that this is a non-ideological issue ).

Marriage involves a lot of give and take. Agreement on sexual attitudes and outside interests aren't essential but it sure helps. I'm lucky in that Mrs. Z has always been more intrigued by pr0n than I've been, so it's never been an issue. We've adjusted ourselves somewhat as our kids have grown up.

I don't know how important this issue is to MattK. I think it's important in arguments with your spouse to try to stay on topic and avoid escalation into more generic issues of control. Much easier said than done though.

[Badgun]

While I agree with most of what you say Badgun, the fact of the matter is he's married now with children. This isn't a fiance we're talking about, it's his wife. To take a stand on porn and jeopardize your family is ridiculous. He should definitely talk it through with her and see if he can work things out but you make it sound like he should just give her an ultimatum. No Porn? See ya! I just don't see that being sound advice at this point of his life.

So, he has to give it up or lose his marriage? Use your head, man. Why can't it be the other way around? Why can't she just accept the porn? I'm not saying he should jeopardize his marriage, but this shouldn't even be an issue. Damn, if his wife is going to leave him because he looks at nude women on his computer, then I would question whether she should even be there. Next thing you know, no more R rated movies or music with explicit lyrics. As much as Matthew needs to work through this, he certainly shouldn't cave if he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong.

[ScoopBrady]

While I agree with most of what you say Badgun, the fact of the matter is he's married now with children. This isn't a fiance we're talking about, it's his wife. To take a stand on porn and jeopardize your family is ridiculous. He should definitely talk it through with her and see if he can work things out but you make it sound like he should just give her an ultimatum. No Porn? See ya! I just don't see that being sound advice at this point of his life.

So, he has to give it up or lose his marriage? Use your head, man. Why can't it be the other way around? Why can't she just accept the porn? I'm not saying he should jeopardize his marriage, but this shouldn't even be an issue. Damn, if his wife is going to leave him because he looks at nude women on his computer, then I would question whether she should even be there. Next thing you know, no more R rated movies or music with explicit lyrics. As much as Matthew needs to work through this, he certainly shouldn't cave if he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong.

Remember that give and take line you wrote? He doesn't necessarily need to understand why his wife feels the way she does about porn but as a husband he needs to respect how she feels. That kind of macho bullshit is too late at this stage in the game. I love my wife and if something I didn't think twice about really bothered her that much I'd sure as hell make that sacrifice for her. She is my life partner and the mother of my child. He should still have a heart to heart with her on the subject but to come out swinging is a bad idea in my mind. That doesn't make me a p***y, just a good husband.

[tjung0831]

While I agree with most of what you say Badgun, the fact of the matter is he's married now with children. This isn't a fiance we're talking about, it's his wife. To take a stand on porn and jeopardize your family is ridiculous. He should definitely talk it through with her and see if he can work things out but you make it sound like he should just give her an ultimatum. No Porn? See ya! I just don't see that being sound advice at this point of his life.

So, he has to give it up or lose his marriage? Use your head, man. Why can't it be the other way around? Why can't she just accept the porn? I'm not saying he should jeopardize his marriage, but this shouldn't even be an issue. Damn, if his wife is going to leave him because he looks at nude women on his computer, then I would question whether she should even be there. Next thing you know, no more R rated movies or music with explicit lyrics. As much as Matthew needs to work through this, he certainly shouldn't cave if he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong.

Remember that give and take line you wrote? He doesn't necessarily need to understand why his wife feels the way she does about porn but as a husband he needs to respect how she feels. That kind of macho bullshit is too late at this stage in the game. I love my wife and if something I didn't think twice about really bothered her that much I'd sure as hell make that sacrifice for her. She is my life partner and the mother of my child. He should still have a heart to heart with her on the subject but to come out swinging is a bad idea in my mind. That doesn't make me a p***y, just a good husband.

Scoop,

I totally agree with you.

[Brando70]

I don't really know what else to add, but it's troubling that things like this aren't discussed and taken care of in advance.

"Okay honey, I've heard your proposal. Here's my counteroffer. I cancel the Playboy and Penthouse subscriptions, sell the Seymour Butts collection, and discard my Barbara Dare Eager Beaver. In return, I keep my copies of To Protect and Shave, Titty-Titty Bang-Bang, and volumes 3, 8, and 17 of Show Me the Money Shots."

[James_E]

Remember that give and take line you wrote? He doesn't necessarily need to understand why his wife feels the way she does about porn but as a husband he needs to respect how she feels. That kind of macho bullshit is too late at this stage in the game. I love my wife and if something I didn't think twice about really bothered her that much I'd sure as hell make that sacrifice for her. She is my life partner and the mother of my child. He should still have a heart to heart with her on the subject but to come out swinging is a bad idea in my mind. That doesn't make me a p***y, just a good husband.

Nice. That's exactly what I was thinking. It's just porn. If it makes her feel crappy, it ain't worth it. She cannot help how she feels, and even if she agrees to give in on this, you'll know that it is still hurting her in some way. The fact that she would give in says alot about how much she loves you, but I think for me knowing that it bugged her would be enough for me to just stop. It's just porn... we can live without it.

[dbdynsty25]

It's just porn... we can live without it.

Umm...speak for yourself.

[James_E]

It's just porn... we can live without it.

Umm...speak for yourself.

My wife takes good care of me.

[dbdynsty25]

My wife takes good care of me.

No woman can take care of me...I'm still fairly young compared to the fogies in here though so that has something to do with it. Where's Javi, he can relate to me.

[pk500]

While I agree with most of what you say Badgun, the fact of the matter is he's married now with children. This isn't a fiance we're talking about, it's his wife. To take a stand on porn and jeopardize your family is ridiculous. He should definitely talk it through with her and see if he can work things out but you make it sound like he should just give her an ultimatum. No Porn? See ya! I just don't see that being sound advice at this point of his life.

So, he has to give it up or lose his marriage? Use your head, man. Why can't it be the other way around? Why can't she just accept the porn? I'm not saying he should jeopardize his marriage, but this shouldn't even be an issue. Damn, if his wife is going to leave him because he looks at nude women on his computer, then I would question whether she should even be there. Next thing you know, no more R rated movies or music with explicit lyrics. As much as Matthew needs to work through this, he certainly shouldn't cave if he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong.

Remember that give and take line you wrote? He doesn't necessarily need to understand why his wife feels the way she does about porn but as a husband he needs to respect how she feels. That kind of macho bullshit is too late at this stage in the game. I love my wife and if something I didn't think twice about really bothered her that much I'd sure as hell make that sacrifice for her. She is my life partner and the mother of my child. He should still have a heart to heart with her on the subject but to come out swinging is a bad idea in my mind. That doesn't make me a p***y, just a good husband.

Very well said, Scoop!

Take care,
PK

[Badgun]

While I agree with most of what you say Badgun, the fact of the matter is he's married now with children. This isn't a fiance we're talking about, it's his wife. To take a stand on porn and jeopardize your family is ridiculous. He should definitely talk it through with her and see if he can work things out but you make it sound like he should just give her an ultimatum. No Porn? See ya! I just don't see that being sound advice at this point of his life.

So, he has to give it up or lose his marriage? Use your head, man. Why can't it be the other way around? Why can't she just accept the porn? I'm not saying he should jeopardize his marriage, but this shouldn't even be an issue. Damn, if his wife is going to leave him because he looks at nude women on his computer, then I would question whether she should even be there. Next thing you know, no more R rated movies or music with explicit lyrics. As much as Matthew needs to work through this, he certainly shouldn't cave if he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong.

Remember that give and take line you wrote? He doesn't necessarily need to understand why his wife feels the way she does about porn but as a husband he needs to respect how she feels. That kind of macho bullshit is too late at this stage in the game. I love my wife and if something I didn't think twice about really bothered her that much I'd sure as hell make that sacrifice for her. She is my life partner and the mother of my child. He should still have a heart to heart with her on the subject but to come out swinging is a bad idea in my mind. That doesn't make me a p***y, just a good husband.

My point is why does he have to give? What would be harder, for Matt to stop looking at porn or for her to ignore it or tolerate it? He never really mentioned how he got caught. What if she was looking at his browser history or at his cookies...now you enter a whole different area.

I'm not trying to be macho, but this should not be any area where he has to negotiate. My wife is the mother of my three kids, too so don't try and put that badge on it. If my wife came to me tonight and said I want all the porn out of the house and I want Net Nanny or some s*** put on the computer so NO ONE can look at porn again, I can guarantee you that the porn would still be here tomorrow, not her. It's not about putting porn in front of your marriage it's about someone trying to control what you can and cannot do...don't you see that?

The reality is that my wife would never make that demand to me so I'll never have to make that decision, but I promise you that if my wife EVER asked me to stop doing something I enjoy, then we would have a huge problem.

[LAking]

It's just porn... we can live without it

Speak for yourself brother. Being a young guy who hasn't found "the one" yet i can safely say that there are times when i NEED porn. I don't know what I would do during those times when i'm single and searching for women i would like to date (like right now).

I don't think anyone is saying he should just give an ultimatum, "the porn stays or I go". They should have a good heart to heart where these things are seriously discussed. And from the sound of it, i'm sure their relationship is good enough to be able to discuss this kind of stuff. For her to say that jerking off to porn is like cheating is a sign that she has no idea how different the male and female brains are wired. Her fear of porn is a socially constructed fear, almost like a fear of sex in general. His desire to jack off to images of naked women is something far more biological. I believe in the give in take, but in this case i think it's actually more reasonable for her to "give" a little. At the very least she should TRY to understand why he enjoys some occasional porn. Just my personal opinon, I believe that if she were to learn a little bit more about how the male mind works it might help the two of them understand eachother more in all types of instances, not just sex. We can hold back some of our natural behavior only so much before it starts having negative consequences on our mental health. Sometimes, we just are who we are.

[Badgun]

I don't really know what else to add, but it's troubling that things like this aren't discussed and taken care of in advance.

"Okay honey, I've heard your proposal. Here's my counteroffer. I cancel the Playboy and Penthouse subscriptions, sell the Seymour Butts collection, and discard my Barbara Dare Eager Beaver. In return, I keep my copies of To Protect and Shave, Titty-Titty Bang-Bang, and volumes 3, 8, and 17 of Show Me the Money Shots."

Cute, but it's more like I described before I got married. I'm going to do this, this, and this...if you can live with it, then let's get hitched. If you can't maybe I'm not the right guy for you. It's that simple. If you can't have those conversations, you're already in trouble.