OT: Busted by the wife

[matthewk]

Ok, it's not as bad as the title may imply (Although she may disagree). I need to vent and/or ask for advice regarding a family/personal issue.

Basically, the wife noticed that I surfed the 'net where only naughtly boys go. It's not something I do a lot, but every once in a while curosity (or something) gets the better of me and I end up places maybe I shouldn't be.

To me, this is normal male behavior. She views it in the same line as cheating, which is something I would NEVER do. To me they are on completely different levels. I grew up where every one of my firends knew where their parents "collection" was, and just about every dad had one. In college every dorm room had something. So, to me it's not a big deal, or an issue. It's something that's been there all through my life, but not there all the time (a do have a life ).

I know this could be a touchy subject for some, but how do I explain this to her?

[JackB1]

Matt,
This is something every married red blooded male will run into at some point. You have several choices....

1) cover your tracks and only do it when she's out of the house
2) try and convince her it's "normal" and hope she gets over it
3) stop surfing those sites

I got "caught" like you and opted for #1. There are some very good programs that erase all tracks of your surfing (HistoryKill is a good one)
and also there are programs that hide certain folders on your computer
(HideFolders). There are some things that women just dont get about guys and I think this is one of them. I also get the feeling that most guys opt for the "do it carefully and hide it from the wife" approach.

[snate]

My wife accepts porn. I was real open about it early on in the relationship. Play the doing it by yourself or in fantasy is better than going out and exploring. Kinda similar to the look but you can't touch rule. Play it as an either or. This is what I do. When I am in the mood I gauge my wifes interest and if she is not having it, I tell her that I will go take care of it myself. It serves two purposes. It may make her more receptive to sex b/c she would rather satisfy you than the porn, if not, she cannot get mad b/c you gave her the option and it shows you would rather have her than the porn.

[AcemanPR]

Haha! Sounds like your wife and mine view things identically. I got busted for the same thing a couple years ago.

Basically, you just have to reassure her that she is the best woman in the world. Maybe getting her some flowers will help too. But, you need to sit down with her and tell her that it is normal male behavior and something that women will never understand by not being a male. Also, you need to be adamant that it isn't cheating, unless you paid to see something on this site, then I might have to say it could be cheating in a minor form.

In my opinion, this is no different than viewing a magazine or seeing naked chicks in a movie. If you did this on a constant basis, then there would be reason for concern. Men are curious, and if there are women out there that want to show it off, sometimes it is hard to resist. Personally, I think the female body is one of the best things to admire, so why not?

If my wife wants to look at schlong on the internet, I could care less. I'm secure enough in my marriage to know that my wife isn't going to run off with someone else, and I certainly hope she knows that I'll never do the same thing.

[tjung0831]

Porn....some would say that it's Satan's biggest tool. We've all been there for sure but seriously your wife is obviously more important to you than porn so I would say to just give it up. There have been enough studies done on porn and it's affects. Oh and by the way i'm not one to preach about porn i'm just merely suggesting you're better off without it which is easier said than done.

[Leebo33]

Porn....some would say that it's Satan's biggest tool.

I thought idle hands were the devil's workshop?

Did someone order a pizza?

[Sudz]

Porn....some would say that it's Satan's biggest tool.

I thought idle hands were the devil's workshop?

Did someone order a pizza?

that daily show was so f'in funny.


and yeah....i got caught about 6 years ago..still get crap from the wife....i make sure to hide my stuff better....

[tjung0831]

Porn....some would say that it's Satan's biggest tool.

I thought idle hands were the devil's workshop?

Did someone order a pizza?

that daily show was so f'in funny.


and yeah....i got caught about 6 years ago..still get crap from the wife....i make sure to hide my stuff better....

WE ARE ALL PIGS!!!!

[Leebo33]

Getting caught by the wife is nothing. A "friend" of mine got caught in college "using" one of his Playboys. When he handed it back he made up a story that he was reading the Mario Lemiuex article. That's probably the worst lie possible as the roomate might have thought that my "friend" was pleasuring himself to number 66.

[webdanzer]

He Shoots...

He Scores!

[pk500]

I guess it depends on the marriage and person and what kind of porn.

My wife has no problem with porn. Hell, we've watched movies together. But she would have a big problem with cybersex or chat, as that crosses the line between fantasy and reality. I agree with her.

But looking at porn? As Ace said, my wife and I are secure enough in our marriage that cheating isn't an option because we're both quite happy. Plus the whole Catholic guilt thing never would allow me to stray.

If I was waxing the board every night over Internet porn, then the Frau might get a little bit bent. But every once in a while? Nah, she doesn't care.

In fact, during her last pregnancy, my wife was sick for the entire nine months. Morning sickness, nausea, the whole 9 yards for the full term. Needless to say, there was no nookie for Papa. So my wife felt bad and actually told me, "You know, I wouldn't blame you or be mad at you one bit if you went downstairs and took care of yourself with the Net, as I feel really bad about not being with you during this time."

I headed to the basement like an Oklahoma land rush in the 1800s.

Bottom line: Reassure her that she's the queen, she's No. 1, she's the best, that it's no different than looking at a Playboy, that you're not acting upon your normal male impulses, simply looking at pictures instead. And then use it as a chit for wild, hot sex tonight, saying she should show you why you don't need to look at Web smut.

Take care,
PK

[Brando70]

We have a "don't ask don't tell" policy in casa del Brando. Mrs. B isn't a big fan of the porn viewing, but she accepts it as male SOP.

I agree to be adamant that it's not cheating. Men walk around having impure thoughts about women other than their wives all the time. As long as you don't follow through on your impulses, I think you're good to go.

My suggestion: apologize for upseting her (not the act itself). Say that while you didn't necessarily expect her to approve, you're surprised she would consider it cheating. Reassure her you would never sleep with another woman. Then make the pre-emptive strike to say, "If it really bothers you, I won't do it again." Hopefully, at this point she'll a) understand it's just a minor bad habit liking drinking too much from time to time and b) feel like she's being a bit of a stick in the mud and say you don't have to give it up.

If she does say to quit, then I would, though. I like looking at the nekkid ladies as much as the next guy, but would stop if it really bothered my wife. Either way, I would at least take a hiatus for a few weeks so that she doesn't think you're rushing back to NaughtyGirlsNeedLoveTo.com.

Good luck.

[ScoopBrady]

Matt,
There's only 2 ways you can get caught and one is definitely worse than the other. She either busted you by seeing something on the computer or she busted you Fast Times at Ridgemont High style. The latter will take more time to heal.

Explain to her that porn was common to you like you explained it in your post. Also offer her a sincere apology and tell her that if you had known her stance on the issue you wouldn't have done it. Reaffirm the fact that she's the only one for you and you should be good to go.

As for me, I've never been caught. Yet.

[pk500]

Getting caught by the wife is nothing. A "friend" of mine got caught in college "using" one of his Playboys. When he handed it back he made up a story that he was reading the Mario Lemiuex article. That's probably the worst lie possible as the roomate might have thought that my "friend" was pleasuring himself to number 66.

I was damn near caught by my mother!

In 1984, I contracted a serious case of mono and was hospitalized for four days. I had to take the entire fall semester of my sophomore year in college off due to the illness.

Anyways, college buddies of mine brought me the Penthouse with the nude, lesbian shots of Vanessa Williams -- that mag was all the rage at the time for those who remember -- to "read" in the hospital. I was reading the mag, pitching a bit of a tent, when my good Catholic mother walked in to pick me up from the hospital, as I was being discharged that day.

Luckily, nothing "discharged" in my loin area that day, especially when Mother walked in!

Take care,
PK

[tjung0831]

"You know, I wouldn't blame you or be mad at you one bit if you went downstairs and took care of yourself with the Net, as I feel really bad about not being with you during this time."

I headed to the basement like an Oklahoma land rush in the 1800s.



Take care,
PK

Please tell us it was something other than Alan Shearer, Newcastle, or the 1985 Edmonton Oilers team poster!

[kicko]

perhaps if she had a better understanding of why you do it, i think its more of a insercurity issue for her then your smut viewing. either way its not going to be easy, i'm sure she'll talk to some of her friends about it and they might help her see that this is "normal"

*now for a fix for you
1.take an interest in photography, easier to explain things like this
2.buy her Her own copy of a naughty mag, even the score
3.crack out that digicam and convince to to pose for pics, then you can look at those rather then www.smokedpink.com

[Spooky]

[dbdynsty25]

But, deep down, she is a dirty little b*tch and loves to look, watch, experience and talk about the same stuff I do;

LOL...nice Spooky.

[Spooky]

But, deep down, she is a dirty little b*tch and loves to look, watch, experience and talk about the same stuff I do;

LOL...nice Spooky.

LOL...yeah...I call 'em like I see 'em. If you only knew some of the crap she has done or wants to do...WOW! There is really no other way to describe her.

[ScoopBrady]

Spooky,
I could slap it 3 times in the time it would take to read that.

[Spooky]

Spooky,
I could slap it 3 times in the time it would take to read that.

LOL!!! Yeah, I should have added that it was a Zeppo sized post to that warning message. What can I say, I have a lot to talk about when it comes to sex and porn.

[Leebo33]

Spooky,
I could slap it 3 times in the time it would take to read that.

Care to share your secrets on longevity? I'd have at least 4 (or maybe I am just a slow reader)

[dbdynsty25]

Spooky,
I could slap it 3 times in the time it would take to read that.

Care to share your secrets on longevity? I'd have at least 4 (or maybe I am just a slow reader)

He thinks of PK...

[pk500]

Please tell us it was something other than Alan Shearer, Newcastle, or the 1985 Edmonton Oilers team poster!

onlymovies.com is the one-stop shop, man.

Take care,
PK

[Jayhawker]

Porn? My wife could care less.

Sitting through the entire Stella episode? She thinks I'm an idiot.