Poll: Single or Married?

Kazuya · Post by **Kazuya** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:17 pm

brendanrfoley wrote:
Amen to free weekends. I love spending time/living with my fiance, but sometimes it's nice to get a weekend 'off.' She's touring grad schools during January, and I don't have time off from work -- it means lot of me time (which probably includes a few pizzas and playoff football). I'll miss her greatly -- but it will be nice to watch eight hours of football Sunday without having to take out the trash.

I've been with my girlfriend for six years, and we're getting married in a year and a half. We met when we were freshman in college, and we didn't want to get married until we were both done with college and grad school.

We've lived together for three years, and it's been awesome. And, it's really true that you marry into your spouses family. Her's is crazy, but mine is no picnic either.

She also puts up with my crap, which isn't easy to ask of somebody.

Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you bothering to get married when you have for all intents and purposes been married for some time now? Are you looking at it sort of from the perspective of a couple who has a ceremony to renew their vows?

MikeCO · Post by **MikeCO** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 6:00 am

Happily married 8.5 years, have 2 boys (2 3/4 years and 1 1/2 years old), and she is the best woman and friend I have ever met. I wasnt ready for committment at the age of 22, however I knew back then if I lost her, I could never find anyone else like her. So, I proposed and have no regrets.

She is a great cook, does all the cleaning, keeps up the home, takes care of the kids most of the time, and doesn't complain because she enjoys being a Mom and a wife. 99.9% of the time has a positive attitude. She just blows my mind on how good natured she is and very giving.

Don't get me wrong, I do help with some chores around the home, but I will admit she does most of them. I'm a lucky man.

dbdynsty25 · Post by **dbdynsty25** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 12:01 pm

Kazuya wrote:Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you bothering to get married when you have for all intents and purposes been married for some time now? Are you looking at it sort of from the perspective of a couple who has a ceremony to renew their vows?

That may be true...that's the way I see it to. However, when it's time to have kids, that's when I think you should be married. I live with my girl right now and for all intents and purposes we are married.

pk500 · Post by **pk500** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 1:32 pm

Kazuya wrote:Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you bothering to get married when you have for all intents and purposes been married for some time now? Are you looking at it sort of from the perspective of a couple who has a ceremony to renew their vows?

That depends on how you look at marriage. If you see it as nothing but a legal exercise, then yes, the ceremony is largely trivial -- just a reaffirmation of your commitment.

But if you see marriage as something spiritual or a sacrament as I do as a practicing Catholic, then marriage is a blessing by God of your union and a signal of your intention to form a life with that person until death do you part.

To me, that's the biggest difference between marrying someone and living with them. I lived with my wife for a year before we were married, but it did feel "different" after we were married. There was more of a sense of lifelong commitment than when we just lived together as single people.

Marriage to me is a commitment to spending a lifetime with that person with a blessing from God. That's a covenant not to be broken lightly, which is why I consider my marriage vows to be special, more than just a legal exercise.

When you live with someone, it's easy to back out when times are tough. When you're married to someone, it shouldn't be as easy to back out, and you shouldn't back out unless every possible avenue of reconciliation is exhausted. And that means compromise is essential. If you're not the person who can compromise or see things through your partner's perspective to try and build consensus and understanding, then don't get married. It simply won't work.

That's the problem with couples today -- one protracted spat, and it's curtains. No one is willing to put in the effort to make a marriage work because few take it seriously as a lifelong commitment anymore. A marriage is a Handi-Wipe to a lot of people -- very disposable.

Sad, really. Especially for the offspring created by that marriage.

Take care,
PK