OT: I Have A Problem and Need Help

[grtwhtsk]

i think that if you read cold turkey is the best method to quit, i was only referring to games and the time you might have on your hands now. You should downsize "your" spending lifestyle, again man i feel for you and i don't know the whole picture, but maybe buying some gifts for your wife, more importantly you need to show her that its not all bout you, or whatever she is saying. Could i use a PSP? sure i'd love one but can i get one? most likey not, i really don't have money like that. I was curious...who does the bills in your house? My wife does ours and i have to trade games in all the time just to get a new one, again not like i have a lot on money but she keeps track of what we can and can't afford, sometimes games are included in that.

I do the bills in the house. My wife often doesn't realize how much I am spending on games because of that. As for the marital problems, the addiction is not the cause.

[kicko]

i think that if you read cold turkey is the best method to quit, i was only referring to games and the time you might have on your hands now. You should downsize "your" spending lifestyle, again man i feel for you and i don't know the whole picture, but maybe buying some gifts for your wife, more importantly you need to show her that its not all bout you, or whatever she is saying. Could i use a PSP? sure i'd love one but can i get one? most likey not, i really don't have money like that. I was curious...who does the bills in your house? My wife does ours and i have to trade games in all the time just to get a new one, again not like i have a lot on money but she keeps track of what we can and can't afford, sometimes games are included in that.

I do the bills in the house. My wife often doesn't realize how much I am spending on games because of that. As for the marital problems, the addiction is not the cause.

well then that cause is the main focus, you need to rectify what is the issue but its not going to happen overnight, time will heal all wounds.

[pk500]

Steve:

Are you buying all of this stuff with credit? Mistake No. 1. Do not buy anything for which you don't have the cash on hand unless you pay off our credit card in full at the end of the month.

Another one of my maxims is that I don't buy any hobby-related stuff with our discretionary income. All of my hobby expenditures come from the sale of games, motorsports memorabilia, etc., on eBay.

That way, zero discretionary income is spent on my hobbies. And if I have little or nothing to sell, then it's an easy way to say: "Nope, I'm not buying that. Don't have the jack right now."

Do I need to do this? Hell, no. But it makes life a lot easier, and it makes the bank account a lot fatter.

Take care,
PK

[grtwhtsk]

Steve:

Are you buying all of this stuff with credit? Mistake No. 1. Do not buy anything for which you don't have the cash on hand unless you pay off our credit card in full at the end of the month.

Another one of my maxims is that I don't buy any hobby-related stuff with our discretionary income. All of my hobby expenditures come from the sale of games, motorsports memorabilia, etc., on eBay.

That way, zero discretionary income is spent on my hobbies. And if I have little or nothing to sell, then it's an easy way to say: "Nope, I'm not buying that. Don't have the jack right now."

Do I need to do this? Hell, no. But it makes life a lot easier, and it makes the bank account a lot fatter.

Take care,
PK

I did at one time use credit. I no longer do. I believe I owe $400 on my credit cards.

[AcemanPR]

Steve,

It's been said already, but I'll re-emphasize that I think most of us here have some kind of addiction to gaming. However, I won't let it ruin my life or my family. I generally won't fire up my machine for 3 or 4 nights a week and spend time with my wife and kids. This time of year, it is very easy not to game, as spring has sprung. In the fall and winter, it is alot easier to game.

You need to decide on one console and stick to it. There will always be games on other consoles that you'll want, but you have to say screw it and walk away. I wanted GT4 when that came out, but knew FORZA was coming down the road. I'd like to have God of War too, but don't have a PS2, and won't get one. The Xbox was the console I chose to half, mainly due to the racing games and online play.

Paul is completely correct in staying away from using your credit card to buy games. If you don't have the cash, then don't get the game. There is nothing wrong with having gaming as a hobby. However, it is a hobby and you can't let it prevent you from doing your job or interfering with your family.

[pk500]

Steve:

Are you buying all of this stuff with credit? Mistake No. 1. Do not buy anything for which you don't have the cash on hand unless you pay off our credit card in full at the end of the month.

Another one of my maxims is that I don't buy any hobby-related stuff with our discretionary income. All of my hobby expenditures come from the sale of games, motorsports memorabilia, etc., on eBay.

That way, zero discretionary income is spent on my hobbies. And if I have little or nothing to sell, then it's an easy way to say: "Nope, I'm not buying that. Don't have the jack right now."

Do I need to do this? Hell, no. But it makes life a lot easier, and it makes the bank account a lot fatter.

Take care,
PK

I did at one time use credit. I no longer do. I believe I owe $400 on my credit cards.

Then as part of Spooky's smart and effective "IT'S NOT AN OPTION" program, buying ANY games -- with cash or credit -- should not be an option until that $400 credit-card balance is paid.

That's a good peg to hang your hat on while you try to recover from this addiction. Whatever it takes, do it.

Take care,
PK

[webdanzer]

I'm going to echo some of what others said, and then put a slightly different spin on it.

Your problem seems to be a shopping or spending addiction when it comes to games, rather than a gameplaying addiction. Signs of this are the unopened and unplayed games at your place, your regret and remorse, and signs that you have delay of instant gratification issues. (Your unwillingness to do what amounts to a simple procedure to put your PSP up on Ebay is another example of this)

Basically, the purchasing of the game or systems is giving you far more of a thrill that actually playing the game or system. This can happen for many reasons, but it usually represents a compensation for something else going on in your life.

The first thing you must do is control your urge. HipE is exactly right, you should NOT be here or at any other sites that create hype for games or gaming right now. Don't read previews, check coming soon lists, etc.

Then, I'd actually recommend PLAYING some of the games you already have. You have a disconnect between what you THINK you are buying and what you are actually getting. Spend some time with the product and maybe you will come to see that the hype you feel or are creating that makes you run out and buy all of these things does not equate to the reality of what the experience delivers.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, get to a counselor or support group. It is the 'purchasing' addiction aspect of this that you must address, and it should be relatively easy to find a counselor or group for such.

Good luck.

[grtwhtsk]

Steve:

Are you buying all of this stuff with credit? Mistake No. 1. Do not buy anything for which you don't have the cash on hand unless you pay off our credit card in full at the end of the month.

Another one of my maxims is that I don't buy any hobby-related stuff with our discretionary income. All of my hobby expenditures come from the sale of games, motorsports memorabilia, etc., on eBay.

That way, zero discretionary income is spent on my hobbies. And if I have little or nothing to sell, then it's an easy way to say: "Nope, I'm not buying that. Don't have the jack right now."

Do I need to do this? Hell, no. But it makes life a lot easier, and it makes the bank account a lot fatter.

Take care,
PK

I did at one time use credit. I no longer do. I believe I owe $400 on my credit cards.

Then as part of Spooky's smart and effective "IT'S NOT AN OPTION" program, buying ANY games -- with cash or credit -- should not be an option until that $400 credit-card balance is paid.

That's a good peg to hang your hat on while you try to recover from this addiction. Whatever it takes, do it.

Take care,
PK

I intend on paying off that $400 with my tax refund. Thanks again PK.

[pk500]

Then here's another way of framing "IT'S NOT AN OPTION:"

"IT'S NOT AN OPTION for me to spend ONE PENNY of my tax refund on ANYTHING pertaining to gaming."

Not an option.

Take care,
PK

[grtwhtsk]

I'm going to echo some of what others said, and then put a slightly different spin on it.

Your problem seems to be a shopping or spending addiction when it comes to games, rather than a gameplaying addiction. Signs of this are the unopened and unplayed games at your place, your regret and remorse, and signs that you have delay of instant gratification issues. (Your unwillingness to do what amounts to a simple procedure to put your PSP up on Ebay is another example of this)

Basically, the purchasing of the game or systems is giving you far more of a thrill that actually playing the game or system. This can happen for many reasons, but it usually represents a compensation for something else going on in your life.

The first thing you must do is control your urge. HipE is exactly right, you should NOT be here or at any other sites that create hype for games or gaming right now. Don't read previews, check coming soon lists, etc.

Then, I'd actually recommend PLAYING some of the games you already have. You have a disconnect between what you THINK you are buying and what you are actually getting. Spend some time with the product and maybe you will come to see that the hype you feel or are creating that makes you run out and buy all of these things does not equate to the reality of what the experience delivers.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, get to a counselor or support group. It is the 'purchasing' addiction aspect of this that you must address, and it should be relatively easy to find a counselor or group for such.

Good luck.

You are so right. It is all about the purchasing of the games, consoles, etc. More often than not, when I play them, I am unhappy and trade them in. There are a few I play and love (MVP 2005 and Burnout 3 for sure).

I love this site. I don't want to leave. This place feels more like a family. I've been to other sites, and this place is different. I hope it's okay if I stay.

[grtwhtsk]

Then here's another way of framing "IT'S NOT AN OPTION:"

"IT'S NOT AN OPTION for me to spend ONE PENNY of my tax refund on ANYTHING pertaining to gaming."

Not an option.

Take care,
PK

That is good. It is so hard for me to control when I have the money in hand.

[Spooky]

I'm going to echo some of what others said, and then put a slightly different spin on it.

Your problem seems to be a shopping or spending addiction when it comes to games, rather than a gameplaying addiction. Signs of this are the unopened and unplayed games at your place, your regret and remorse, and signs that you have delay of instant gratification issues. (Your unwillingness to do what amounts to a simple procedure to put your PSP up on Ebay is another example of this)

Basically, the purchasing of the game or systems is giving you far more of a thrill that actually playing the game or system. This can happen for many reasons, but it usually represents a compensation for something else going on in your life.

The first thing you must do is control your urge. HipE is exactly right, you should NOT be here or at any other sites that create hype for games or gaming right now. Don't read previews, check coming soon lists, etc.

Then, I'd actually recommend PLAYING some of the games you already have. You have a disconnect between what you THINK you are buying and what you are actually getting. Spend some time with the product and maybe you will come to see that the hype you feel or are creating that makes you run out and buy all of these things does not equate to the reality of what the experience delivers.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, get to a counselor or support group. It is the 'purchasing' addiction aspect of this that you must address, and it should be relatively easy to find a counselor or group for such.

Good luck.

You are so right. It is all about the purchasing of the games, consoles, etc. More often than not, when I play them, I am unhappy and trade them in. There are a few I play and love (MVP 2005 and Burnout 3 for sure).

I love this site. I don't want to leave. This place feels more like a family. I've been to other sites, and this place is different. I hope it's okay if I stay.

First of all, GREAT points Web!

Second, Steve, you can stay, BUT only if you promise NOT to click on any threads with game previews, impressions or reviews.

"It is NOT AN OPTION to look at any specific game related thread!"

[grtwhtsk]

I'm going to echo some of what others said, and then put a slightly different spin on it.

Your problem seems to be a shopping or spending addiction when it comes to games, rather than a gameplaying addiction. Signs of this are the unopened and unplayed games at your place, your regret and remorse, and signs that you have delay of instant gratification issues. (Your unwillingness to do what amounts to a simple procedure to put your PSP up on Ebay is another example of this)

Basically, the purchasing of the game or systems is giving you far more of a thrill that actually playing the game or system. This can happen for many reasons, but it usually represents a compensation for something else going on in your life.

The first thing you must do is control your urge. HipE is exactly right, you should NOT be here or at any other sites that create hype for games or gaming right now. Don't read previews, check coming soon lists, etc.

Then, I'd actually recommend PLAYING some of the games you already have. You have a disconnect between what you THINK you are buying and what you are actually getting. Spend some time with the product and maybe you will come to see that the hype you feel or are creating that makes you run out and buy all of these things does not equate to the reality of what the experience delivers.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, get to a counselor or support group. It is the 'purchasing' addiction aspect of this that you must address, and it should be relatively easy to find a counselor or group for such.

Good luck.

You are so right. It is all about the purchasing of the games, consoles, etc. More often than not, when I play them, I am unhappy and trade them in. There are a few I play and love (MVP 2005 and Burnout 3 for sure).

I love this site. I don't want to leave. This place feels more like a family. I've been to other sites, and this place is different. I hope it's okay if I stay.

First of all, GREAT points Web!

Second, Steve, you can stay, BUT only if you promise NOT to click on any threads with game previews, impressions or reviews.

"It is NOT AN OPTION to look at any specific game related thread!"

I will do my best. I can't promise because I do love my sports games, and hearing what you guys have to say about them.

[pk500]

Steve:

You have to promise. It's the only way you're going to cure this problem.

No alcoholic ever became clean and sober by limiting themselves to one or two drinks per day.

You can't have your proverbial cake and eat it. If you really want to cure yourself and have your words in here ring true, then you need to stay the hell away from all posts about new games.

This isn't going to be an easy cure, mate. But you HAVE to do it, one day at a time.

Take care,
PK

[grtwhtsk]

Steve:

You have to promise. It's the only way you're going to cure this problem.

No alcoholic ever became clean and sober by limiting themselves to one or two drinks per day.

You can't have your proverbial cake and eat it. If you really want to cure yourself and have your words in here ring true, then you need to stay the hell away from all posts about new games.

This isn't going to be an easy cure, mate. But you HAVE to do it, one day at a time.

Take care,
PK

Agreed PK. I promise to stay away from all posts about new games.

[pk500]

Steve:

Since I think we've identified your problem as more of a purchasing problem than a gaming problem, I think you would be helped by getting Xbox Live if your family situation allows and you think you can keep online gaming under control.

One, you can talk with us and have great fun, forgetting your troubles for a while. Two, actually <i>playing</i> games with DSP buds on XBL is so much fun that you'll spend more time having fun playing than worrying about what you'll buy and return next.

I kind of see you as a gaming bulimic. You binge and purge games instead of playing and enjoying the games you have. No one tells a recovering bulimic that they can't eat. And I think you can have a gaming hobby under control if you can curtail your need to have every new release.

P.S.: If you have any gaming magazine subscriptions, cancel ALL of them today. That's just more bait you don't need to be biting. Same goes for IGN Insider or Gamespot's premium service.

Take care,
PK

[Inuyasha]

I dont know, wouldn't keeping XBL not help? When fall hits and all the big games come out for the holidays, he'll be pulled back into buying games he may not want since they are on XBL.

[reeche]

Well I'm way too lazy to read through this entire thread but I've gotten the gist of it from the first post.

I'm also a 'gaming addict' if you will although part of it is due to my occupation. I would suggest picking up other hobbies and spread your time around. Family included. I love to read personally which is a fairly inexpensive hobby (although I'm getting more into audiobooks now so it just goes to show that anything can turn into an addiction). I think the internet and forums, and videogames can all function in a sort of self-perpetuating trap that feeds upon itself. One of the major reasons why I don't play MMORPG's. I know I tend to have an addictive personality so I don't even go down that road. The more time you spend doing other things, the more you can get things into balance and games just become the nice diversion that they should be.

The spending obviously goes hand in hand. My temptation there isn't videogames but techno-gadgets I have no use for but the core root issue is most likely the same. Since I tend to do that same thing, that mainly seems like a budgeting issue. Turn over the budget to your wife, or GF, or whoever so it's out of your hands for a bit. What you don't have, you can't spend.

[pk500]

I dont know, wouldn't keeping XBL not help? When fall hits and all the big games come out for the holidays, he'll be pulled back into buying games he may not want since they are on XBL.

Good point. It's a 50-50 call. One could hope that his problem is cured by fall, and I think Steve needs the fellowship that XBL could provide right now.

Take care,
PK

[Spooky]

I'd also be careful of course, that your purchasing habits do NOT change from games to something else. If, in fact, the purchasing aspect is what is the addiction. In other words, don't just go from games to CD's or DVD's, ect... and think that's okay since they are not video games. I know that sounds obvious but you should keep that in mind.

I can understand the purchasing addiction to some extent. I think a lot of us here can. I mean, I go into Best Buy all the time and start thinking of ways I can fund a new TV or gadget. Hell, just the other day I was trying to figure out how to sell my perfectly good Sony laptop to try and get a new Mac powerbook. WTF!?!?! But that's the thing with me...I think about it, but very rarely do I act on it. I either tell myself it is not an option or I just seriously ask myself 'is it REALLY a necessity or can I live without it?'. Obviously, the majority of the time it’s something that I can live without and is not even close to a necessity.

Question…do you get more satisfaction/enjoyment out of doing/getting things for others (family/friends) or doing/getting things for yourself? Think about that. Does a smile on your child’s face bring more joy to you than any video game ever has? If so, then try to channel your purchasing habits into doing things for loved ones. It doesn’t necessarily mean buying things for them either. Just transfer that energy you exhaust on games to fun and exciting things for your family. Please DO NOT think that I am in any way judging you as a parent/spouse, I am just trying to think of positive ways to assist you. You very well, may be doing these things already towards your loved ones. But, if not, just imagine the feeling of accomplishment/satisfaction you will get if you truly channeled all of that wasted energy and time you spend on playing, buying and obsessing on video games and turn it towards making others as happy as possible. I guarantee you will get much more out of it than any video game could eve provide you. Again, please let me know if I am steeping out of line here or just WAY off in my suggestions or assumptions (or perhaps this is better for a PM than a post).

Just trying to help!

[grtwhtsk]

I'd also be careful of course, that your purchasing habits do NOT change from games to something else. If, in fact, the purchasing aspect is what is the addiction. In other words, don't just go from games to CD's or DVD's, ect... and think that's okay since they are not video games. I know that sounds obvious but you should keep that in mind.

I can understand the purchasing addiction to some extent. I think a lot of us here can. I mean, I go into Best Buy all the time and start thinking of ways I can fund a new TV or gadget. Hell, just the other day I was trying to figure out how to sell my perfectly good Sony laptop to try and get a new Mac powerbook. WTF!?!?! But that's the thing with me...I think about it, but very rarely do I act on it. I either tell myself it is not an option or I just seriously ask myself 'is it REALLY a necessity or can I live without it?'. Obviously, the majority of the time it’s something that I can live without and is not even close to a necessity.

Question…do you get more satisfaction/enjoyment out of doing/getting things for others (family/friends) or doing/getting things for yourself? Think about that. Does a smile on your child’s face bring more joy to you than any video game ever has? If so, then try to channel your purchasing habits into doing things for loved ones. It doesn’t necessarily mean buying things for them either. Just transfer that energy you exhaust on games to fun and exciting things for your family. Please DO NOT think that I am in any way judging you as a parent/spouse, I am just trying to think of positive ways to assist you. You very well, may be doing these things already towards your loved ones. But, if not, just imagine the feeling of accomplishment/satisfaction you will get if you truly channeled all of that wasted energy and time you spend on playing, buying and obsessing on video games and turn it towards making others as happy as possible. I guarantee you will get much more out of it than any video game could eve provide you. Again, please let me know if I am steeping out of line here or just WAY off in my suggestions or assumptions (or perhaps this is better for a PM than a post).

Just trying to help!

There is nothing that gives me more joy than seeing smiles on the faces of my kids. I think at times I've even tried to "buy" that smile with purchases for my seven year old son.

As for possibly leaving video games for another addiction, I've been there. In fact, I used to buy just about every DVD that came out. When I found the finances in trouble, I had to go on a selling spree, and sold a bunch of them. Now I have a monthly rental pass at Blockbuster, and therfore only pick up a new DVD maybe once a month or two.

[pk500]

Steve:

Based on your last post, you should take heart: You can cure an addiction in your life. Sounds like Gamefly is tailor-made for you.

You can still enjoy the hobby of gaming without the agony of your obsessive-compulsive purchasing and selling of games and systems.

Take care,
PK

[K_Mosley]

FYI... There's a show I believe on A&E called "Intervention" that deals with addictions and interventions. It's kind of like realty TV - they convince the folks that they're being filmed for a documentary on addiction, and then get them to an intervention.

Last week, there was a girl that was on the first three seasons of ER with a shopping addiction (and various other psychological problems), and a child prodigy/genius that turned into an addicted gambler. It was riveting stuff.

This week, one of the addicts is a video game addict. It might be worth watching...

Kevin

[sportdan30]

FYI... There's a show I believe on A&E called "Intervention" that deals with addictions and interventions. It's kind of like realty TV - they convince the folks that they're being filmed for a documentary on addiction, and then get them to an intervention.

Last week, there was a girl that was on the first three seasons of ER with a shopping addiction (and various other psychological problems), and a child prodigy/genius that turned into an addicted gambler. It was riveting stuff.

This week, one of the addicts is a video game addict. It might be worth watching...

Kevin

Sounds interesting. I'm gonna check it out for myself. Thanks Kevin.

[Spooky]

FYI... There's a show I believe on A&E called "Intervention" that deals with addictions and interventions. It's kind of like realty TV - they convince the folks that they're being filmed for a documentary on addiction, and then get them to an intervention.

Last week, there was a girl that was on the first three seasons of ER with a shopping addiction (and various other psychological problems), and a child prodigy/genius that turned into an addicted gambler. It was riveting stuff.

This week, one of the addicts is a video game addict. It might be worth watching...

Kevin

GREAT show. Very sad, but interesting and insightful. I had not idea this weeks was a Video Game addict. Might have to conveniently let my girlfriend miss that episode. Don't need any additional ammunition.