OT:At a loss - Happy Ending update

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ScoopBrady
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OT:At a loss - Happy Ending update

Post by ScoopBrady »

Guys, those that remember me as bdt92 from the old SR days might remember a post I made in the forums about my wife and I losing our unborn child. Unfortunately I find myself having to make a similar post as my worst fear became a reality yesterday and the same thing happened.

It's been a long and shitty weekend, one that I'll never forget though I desperately want to. My wife had a doctor's appointment Saturday morning so I took my daughter to ballet/tap class. My wife called me on her way home and said the doctor couldn't find the babies heartbeat so she had to go for another ultrasound yesterday afternoon. I tried to remain optimistic but kept going back and forth about the odds. I would like to thank JRod, RobVarak, and MacsomJR for helping to take my mind off of it with some TF2 that night. At first I didn't really think I wanted to play online with people but was glad I did.

I am truly devastated right now and facing the very likely reality that I won't have another child as my wife and I aren't exactly spring chickens anymore and to be honest I'm barely dealing with this and couldn't imagine going through it a third time.

Now I'm trying to stay strong in front of the wife and especially in front of my daughter as we get through this when all I want to do is let the tears come and scream expletives at the top of my lungs. Since I can't do that around them I'll take a quick moment to now. f***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not trying to bring everyone down with this post and I sincerely hope I don't. I'm posting this because a number of you were very helpful in the past with your support and I can use some of that now. It's hard to talk to my family or friends without totally losing it so I'm emptying out my heart here. I really have nowhere else where I don't have to put on the brave face and act like my world is coming down around me.

I'd like to thank you all in advance for the supporting words that I'm sure will come. I'd also like to thank you for letting me just let it out without putting on a fake smile like nothing is going on. If you don't see me around that much for a little bit you'll know why but I'll still try to stop by if just to take my mind off of things for a moment.
Last edited by ScoopBrady on Fri Feb 12, 2010 11:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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JRod
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Post by JRod »

Sorry to hear about that Scoop.

All the best in this difficult time.
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Post by WillHunting »

I can't imagine what you are going through. I am sorry.... Just be strong and thankful that your wife and daughter are both fine.
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Post by Rodster »

WillHunting wrote:I can't imagine what you are going through. I am sorry.... Just be strong and thankful that your wife and daughter are both fine.
My thoughts exactly Scoop. Stay strong your in our thoughts.

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Post by Spooky »

Stay strong my man (easy for me to say, I know...). My deepest sympathies to you and your family!

I am glad you vented to us. It can help I am sure.
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Post by JackB1 »

Hate to be so cliche, but maybe "it just wasn't meant to be".
Treasure the kids you DO have...there are many desperate parents
who would do anything for kids, but for a variety of reasons, cannot.

If you still want more kids down the road, there is always adoption.
Nothing better than becoming a parent to a kid that has none.

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Post by macsomjrr »

I have to agree with WillHunting in that you have to be thankful that your wife and daughter are both healthy and safe. Focusing on that fact instead of your loss will help. Remember that there is NOTHING that you and your wife could have done to prevent this from happening. Words can't really express the sympathy that I have for you and your family so let me just say that I'm sorry and I wish you all the best if you do decide to try again.

Hang in there...

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Post by Gurantsu »

Scoop,

My wife and I went through the same thing a couple of times. When standing there watching the ultrasound technician moving the wand around searching and knowing that he wasn't finding a heartbeat, words cannot describe the feeling. The whole ordeal actually made my wife change her entire doctoral dissertation to studying gender differences in dealing with miscarrage.

It sucks being the man sometimes, you have to put on the game face and be everyone's rock. It's OK to hurt, and certainly talk to some friends or family if you need to. Of course we'll give you support and encouragement here, but it's not the same as talking to someone face to face. Actually, when I did, I was surprised at how many people actually went through it themselves.

Give your wife and daughter a few extra hugs tonight.
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Post by pk500 »

Dude:

My sincerest condolences. Hang in there and try to take comfort in the health and well being of your wife and daughter, as others have said.

I don't know if you're a religious person or believe in a higher power, but if so, now is a good time to pray. I'll offer up the good words to the Man Above for you and yours, man.

My wife and I endured one miscarriage, too. It's never easy.

Take care,
PK
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Post by Macca00 »

My deepest condolences, Scoop. All the best to you and your family. Hang in there, brother.

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Post by XXXIV »

I couldnt possibly know exactly how you feel but I am very sorry to read your news. My best wishes to you and your family.

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Post by dougb »

Very sad for your loss - please accept my condolences.

Best wishes,

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Post by James_E »

Scoop my sister went through the exact same thing, at 8 1/2 months they found that the baby had no heartbeat.. They keep a teddy bear to represent her in the family and always have it in their family pictures. It was hard enough going through that with them as a 3rd party, I can only imagine when going through it yourself.

Stay strong, but don't be afraid to let your feelings out with the missus. I'm sure she won't mind and a good cry together might be cathartic.

My thoughts are with you.

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Post by Teal »

pk500 wrote:Dude:

My sincerest condolences. Hang in there and try to take comfort in the health and well being of your wife and daughter, as others have said.

I don't know if you're a religious person or believe in a higher power, but if so, now is a good time to pray. I'll offer up the good words to the Man Above for you and yours, man.

My wife and I endured one miscarriage, too. It's never easy.

Take care,
PK
Sage advice, there, Paul. Scoop, my wife and I lost our second boy 6 months into the pregnancy. He died from severe complications stemming from Triploid Syndrome. It was devastating for us, so we know, man...we know.

We knew it two weeks before he died that he was going to. That was awful. Waiting. His little hearbeat was fine, but they told us it would just stop one day. I'll never forget the day that my wife called, and said, "He's gone. I can tell."

I'm available anytime if you want to PM me, I'll give you my phone # if you'd like, and we can talk a bit, or if you'd rather unplug from it for awhile, we can get online and shoot some people. It helps.

Standing with you, bro. Heartbroken for you.

Be very attentive to your wife during this time, and give all sorts of concessions for mood swings and what not. For all that you are going through, she goes through something we men will never comprehend. Lots of hugs, lots of space, and paying attention to her needs, meeting them when you can, before she asks. It's huge.

Anytime, bro....anytime.
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Post by Sudz »

thoughts and prayers.

vent. let it out. hold your family close.

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Post by MizzouRah »

Let it out Scoop, we are all here for you.

Sad news indeed. :(

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Post by RallyMonkey »

Scoop,

I can say nothing more than what has already been said but know another heart feels for you. My thoughts are with you and the family.

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Post by Nozzleman_216 »

My sincerest condolences to you Scoop and you family. I cannot imagine going through something like this. As a fire fighter, I tend to hold things in and try not to show emotion as I see and have seen many things most men won't. But to read what you posted and to think of what you must me going through brings tears to my eyes. Its amazing the friendships we have here. Hang in there bro, I know there are a lot of cliche things that can be said, but everything happens for a reason. I have asked myself WHY many times with stuff I have seen, and this is no different. My prayers are with you!!!
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Post by Boltman »

Scoop,

First off, I apologize for responding so late to this.


My sincerest condolences for your family's loss. But always thank the good man above. That you have a healthy wife and daughter.

These things are tough, I am sure of it, but you will get through it friend.

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Post by 10spro »

Sorry to hear this. Wishing you peace and comfort to you and family.

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Post by RobVarak »

Scoop,

My thoughts and prayers are with you, brother. I know far too well what you're going through, as in addition to losing Molly my wife and I endured 4 other miscarriages through the years. They're cruel and arbitrary events that will leave you scrambling for answers.

Everyone is right when they tell you to embrace your family at this time. It's those blessings that will get you through the hardest times.

You know that I'm always around if you need anything.
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Post by kevinpars »

Thoughts and prayers. Wish there was more I could say or do.

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Post by Jimmydeicide »

Scoop , hang in there bud take it one day at a time and you know time is a great healer.
Dont hold it in , let it out man... LOUD.

All the best to you and your family.
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Post by vader29 »

Scoop, very sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Post by Diablo25 »

Sorry for your loss Scoop. Hang in there.
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